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Jokes
Feb 9, 2022 16:38:22 GMT
Post by sisyphus on Feb 9, 2022 16:38:22 GMT
SAFC
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2022 14:39:59 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Feb 26, 2022 14:39:59 GMT
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says "Excuse me . . . . is this stool taken?"
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2022 14:42:02 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Feb 26, 2022 14:42:02 GMT
"You remind me of my wife," I said to my private lap dancer.
"I'll take that as a compliment" she giggled, "is she pretty?"
"No . . . . it's just that I also give her loads of money and I don't get any sex."
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2022 14:43:47 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Feb 26, 2022 14:43:47 GMT
What's the opposite of realise ? Glass eyes  |
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2022 14:44:33 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Feb 26, 2022 14:44:33 GMT
My mate texted me "Who sang 'That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet' ?" I replied "Mud" He texted back "That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right" Bastard  |
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2022 17:31:07 GMT
Post by Les on Feb 26, 2022 17:31:07 GMT
🤡
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2022 10:13:48 GMT
via mobile
Post by macmackem on Jul 1, 2022 10:13:48 GMT
Paddy walked into Wetherspoons a d asked "how much is the lager"
Barman says "£2 a pint, £7 for a pitcher"
Paddy says "I'll have a pint feck the photo"
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2022 13:25:36 GMT
via mobile
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Jul 1, 2022 13:25:36 GMT
My youngest came downstairs from watching TV in his bedroom last night and said "What's love juice, Dad ? "
After nearly choking on my brew, I thought that I'd better be honest and said "Son . . . . sit down and I will tell you. When a woman gets sexually excited, her vagina gets wet, and that's love juice."
He just stared back at me in total bewilderment.
I said "What on earth are you watching in your bedroom ?"
He said "Wimbledon, Dad"
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2022 13:26:46 GMT
via mobile
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Jul 1, 2022 13:26:46 GMT
I got the wife a 'get better soon' card today.
She isn't ill . . . . I just think that she could be better.
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Jokes
Jul 3, 2022 8:07:40 GMT
via mobile
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Jul 3, 2022 8:07:40 GMT
I was in bed with a woman and she commented about what a huge cock I had . . . . unfortunately, she was pulling my leg !
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Post by Les on Jul 12, 2022 10:10:17 GMT
What do Mexicans put under carpets? Underlaaaaaaaaaay  |
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Jokes
Jul 12, 2022 14:44:14 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Jul 12, 2022 14:44:14 GMT
My wife isn't much good at cooking instructions.
The recipe said 'separate two eggs.' so she put one in the living room and one in the hall.
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Jokes
Jul 12, 2022 14:45:05 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Jul 12, 2022 14:45:05 GMT
I'm considering taking the makers of pot noodle to court under the trades description act . . . I had eight of them yesterday and wasn't anywhere near to being stoned.
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:29:56 GMT
via mobile
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:29:56 GMT
I'm not saying that my wife is a fat greedy tw*t, but she's just cleaned the oven with two slices of bread !
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:30:31 GMT
via mobile
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:30:31 GMT
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink”.
They tried it, and sure enough the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised that the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised that the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
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