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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:32:01 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:32:01 GMT
I might be wasting my time here, but here's another one . . . .
I came home from the pub and caught a peeping tom watching my wife getting undressed.
I was going to call the police but then I thought, nah - he's suffered enough!
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:32:58 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:32:58 GMT
Which Icelandic singer was named after a city in England ? Was it: A. Norwich B. York C. Leeds Think about it  |
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:33:46 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:33:46 GMT
Wife: Am I pretty or ugly ?
Me: Both.
Wife: What do you mean ?
Me: You're pretty ugly
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:34:45 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:34:45 GMT
My wife recently said to me: "We'd have less arguments if you weren't so pedantic"
I replied, "Don't you mean 'fewer'?"
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:35:25 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:35:25 GMT
Another owldy . . . .
A lad meets a fantastic looking chinese girl and after a couple of drinks she asks him to come back to her flat for a nightcap.
When they get there she says "fix yourself a drink while I slip into something more comfortable"
The girl returns wearing a sexy leather catsuit and says "I'm all yours for tonight . . . . whatever you want I will obey"
The lad says "You're beautiful and I'd love a 69"
The girl says "**** off . . . . I'm not cooking at this time of night"
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2022 17:36:29 GMT
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Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Sept 6, 2022 17:36:29 GMT
I just discovered that low salt and sugar baked beans are quite good . . . . you just have to add salt and sugar  |
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Jokes
Oct 5, 2022 13:09:56 GMT
Post by Les on Oct 5, 2022 13:09:56 GMT
Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
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Jokes
Nov 2, 2022 19:08:02 GMT
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Post by Gordon Armstrong on Nov 2, 2022 19:08:02 GMT
What's worse than ants in your pants ?
Your Uncle 😇
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Jokes
Nov 2, 2022 19:11:27 GMT
via mobile
Post by Gordon Armstrong on Nov 2, 2022 19:11:27 GMT
A blonde goes into an electrical store and asks how much a TV is.
The salesman tells her "we dont sell to blondes"
The next day she dyes her hair brown and asks again.
"Sorry, but we dont sell to blondes"
She waits for a month and dyes her hair red, and ask how much the TV is.
"Sorry we dont sell to blondes"
"My hair is red . . . . how did you know that I was really a blonde ?"
The salesman says
"It's not a TV . . . . it's a microwave"
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Jokes
Mar 12, 2024 17:31:45 GMT
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Post by Gordon Armstrong on Mar 12, 2024 17:31:45 GMT
If Celine Dion just sang the vowels in her name it would be Old Macdonald had a farm |
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Post by Les on Mar 12, 2024 23:56:48 GMT
If Celine Dion just sang the vowels in her name it would be Old Macdonald had a farm brilliant, I wonder who sat down to work that out 🤡 |
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Jokes
May 31, 2024 12:49:36 GMT
Les likes this
Post by Gordon Armstrong on May 31, 2024 12:49:36 GMT
I visited a cafe and ordered eggs for breakfast this morning. The woman behind the counter asked,
"How would you like your eggs cooked ?"
"Does it affect the price ?" I said.
"No, not at all." she replied.
"In that case I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."
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Post by Gordon Armstrong on May 31, 2024 12:50:04 GMT
I went to see my doctor this morning.
"How can I help you ?" she asked.
"I found a lump while I was in the bath" I replied, pointing downwards.
"Oh right" she said, "Take your trousers down for me."
After having a good old feel of my bollocks, she said "I can't feel a lump."
I said "It's on my toe."
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Jokes
Oct 21, 2024 17:01:52 GMT
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Post by Gordon Armstrong on Oct 21, 2024 17:01:52 GMT
I went to an archaeology party in Devon at the weekend..
They were excavating and searching for a lower leg . . . . it was quite a shindig 😇
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Jokes
Oct 21, 2024 17:03:08 GMT
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Post by Gordon Armstrong on Oct 21, 2024 17:03:08 GMT
It's been a while since we had some of these 👍
I said to my wife last night, "I fancy a takeaway."
She said, "Are you talking Chinese ?"
I said, "No .... did I sound Chinese ?"
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